Dharma of a Virtuous Wife

Brahma said

The saptarshis spoke to Himalaya, lord of mountains.

The saptarshis said

Mountain, arrange for your daughter Devi to leave today.

Brahma said

Hearing this, the lord of mountains understood that the great parting had come. Lord of sages, in his great love he was low for a while, but soon the king of mountains regained himself. The mountain agreed and told Mena the message. Sage, learning it, she was overwhelmed by joy and grief together. Yet Mena made the arrangements for the journey. Sage, following the shrutis and her family's custom she had all the rites performed. Mena, the mountain's beloved, held various festivities. Girija was adorned with many jewels and excellent silk garments, and with the twelve ornaments of shringara that royalty honours. Understanding Mena's mind, a virtuous brahmana lady instructed Girija in the supreme duties of a devoted wife.

The brahmana's wife said

Girija, hear my words with great affection; they increase dharma and bring joy in this world and the next. Hear what brings happiness. A woman devoted to her husband is blessed; no one else is so specially honoured. She purifies all the worlds and washes away floods of every sin. If a woman lovingly worships her husband as if he were Parameshvara Shiva, she enjoys every pleasure in this world and at death, with her husband, meets a good end. There are devoted wives: Savitri, Lopamudra, Arundhati, Shandilya, Shatarupa, Anasuya, Lakshmi, Svadha, Sati, Samjna, Sumati, Shraddha, Mena, Svaha and many other virtuous ladies not named, whom to list would be too long. Through their vows of dharma they became pure and were honoured by all, revered by Brahma, Vishnu, Hara and the lords among sages. So you must always serve your husband, the lord Shankara, who is compassionate to the distressed and the goal of the virtuous. The great dharma and vow of serving the husband is spoken of in the shruti and smriti, which have determined that nothing is higher.

A beloved wife devoted to her husband eats only after her husband has eaten. Shivaa, if he stands she stands; when he sleeps she sleeps; but a wise woman always wakes before her husband. With single-minded attention she always does what he likes and what benefits him. Shivaa, never show yourself to him unadorned. When he goes elsewhere on business she should not adorn herself. A devoted wife should never speak her husband's name. If he abuses her she does not abuse back, and even if he strikes her she stays pleased and says, "You are my lord and may kill me, but be merciful to me." When he calls she leaves the household work and goes quickly, joins her hands lovingly, bows and says, "Lord, why have you called me? Be pleased and tell me." With a glad mind she does whatever task he gives. She does not stand long at the gate or go to another's house. She does not take anything from him, however small, and give it to another. Even if she is not asked, she herself arranges all the articles of worship. She waits for the right chance and time to do something good for him. She never makes a pilgrimage without her husband's leave and from afar avoids the wish to see a festival or public gathering. A woman who wishes to visit a tirtha should drink the water that has washed her husband's feet, for all tirthas and kshetras are in it, without doubt. She eats his leftovers and any other food he gives. She does not eat before offering food to the gods, ancestors, guests, servants, cows and noble mendicants. Devi, a devoted wife must always be skilled at running a household on limited means, not given to extravagance. Without her husband's permission she must not fast or keep vows; otherwise there is no fruit in this world and she goes to hell in the next. After he has amused himself and is lying down, or is amusing himself as he likes, she must not wake him or go into the house on some business. Even if he is impotent, troubled, diseased or old, happy or miserable, a husband must never be contradicted. For the three days of the feminine dharma she must not show her face or let him hear her voice until she has bathed. After bathing she must see her husband's face first, no one else's; or, after thinking of her husband in her mind, she may look at the sun. A devoted wife who wants her husband's long life will not discard turmeric, kumkuma, sindura, collyrium, bodice, betel, auspicious ornaments, the dressing and braiding of her hair, earrings and other ornaments. She must never befriend a washerwoman, a harlot, a female ascetic or an unfortunate woman. She must not converse with a woman who hates her husband. She must never stand alone or bathe naked. A virtuous woman must not sit on a mortar, pestle, broom, stone, machine or threshold. Except in intercourse she must not talk too much. She must love whatever interests her husband. When he is happy she is happy and when he is miserable she is miserable. She loves what he loves. A devoted wife always wishes her husband's welfare. A virtuous woman keeps the same nature in prosperity and adversity, always holding to fortitude without wavering. When ghee, salt, oil and other things run out she does not tell him directly and put him to trouble. Deveshi, for a devoted wife the husband is held higher than Vidhatri, Vishnu and Hara; her own husband is like Shiva to her. If a woman oversteps her husband in vows, fasts and niyamas she shortens his life and wishes herself hell after death. If she answers back in rage when spoken to, she is reborn as a village bitch or a vixen in the wilderness. She must not sit on a high seat or walk near a wicked person. She must never speak agitatedly to her husband, never slander, and avoid quarrels. In the presence of elders she must not speak or laugh loudly. When she sees her husband come back from outside she should quickly bring him food, water, betel and garments, massage his feet and with skilful words relieve his tiredness. When the beloved is pleased the three worlds are pleased. What a father gives is limited, what a brother gives is limited, what a son gives is limited, but what a husband gives is unlimited. So he must always be worshipped. Devi, the husband is guru, dharma, tirtha and vow, and so, ignoring everyone else, the husband alone is to be worshipped.

If an evil-minded woman abandons her husband and has secret affairs, she is reborn as a cruel female owl living in a tree hollow. If she strikes back when struck she is reborn as a tigress or a cat. If she casts sidelong glances at another man she is reborn squinting. If she ignores her husband and eats sweets alone she is reborn as a village sow or a wild goat that eats its own dung. If a woman addresses her husband as "tvam" she is reborn dumb. If she hates her co-wife she is repeatedly reborn unfortunate. If, hiding it from her husband, she glances at another man, she is reborn one-eyed, deformed in face or ugly. When life leaves the body, the body goes at once to the funeral pyre; likewise, even if she bathes well, a woman without a husband is impure. Devi, in this world, if a woman devoted to her husband is in the house, the mother's family, the father's family and the husband's family are blessed, and by her merit all three go to heaven and enjoy happiness there. A woman of evil conduct who breaks good norms makes all three families miserable in this world and the next and brings them down. Wherever a faithful wife's feet touch the ground, those spots are purified and sins destroyed. The sun, the moon and the bearer of fragrances touch the limbs of a woman devoted to her husband to purify themselves, and no one else's. Water always wishes to touch her, saying, "Our sluggishness is gone today and we can purify others." For a householder the wife is the foundation, the foundation of happiness; the wife yields the fruits of dharma and ensures the offspring flourish. Every house has women proud of beauty and charm, but only through devotion to Shiva does a woman become a faithful wife, and such a wife wins both this world and the next. A man without a wife cannot perform rites for the gods, ancestors or guests. A true householder is one in whose home there is a wife devoted to her husband. Others are devoured daily by the rakshasas of old age; the body is purified by immersion in the Ganga, and in the same way everyone is purified on seeing a woman devoted to her husband. A woman who regards her husband as a divinity is no different from Ganga. Such a couple is like Uma and Shiva themselves, and a learned man worships them. The husband is the high note and the wife the low note; the husband is austerity and the wife fortitude; the wife is the rite and the husband the fruit. Shivaa, a couple like that is blessed. Daughter of the Indra among mountains, I have told you the dharma of a devoted wife. Now hear from me with attention the different types. Devi, four types of devoted wives are named: superior, middling, inferior and very inferior. Even remembering these destroys sins; I will describe their marks. Fortunate one, a woman who constantly sees her own husband in her mind, even in dreams, and looks at no one else is called superior. Mountain's daughter, a devoted woman who looks on other men as father, brother or son is called middling. Parvati, a woman who thinks of her own dharma and does not transgress, and so has good conduct, is called inferior. A devoted wife who does not transgress out of fear of her husband or family is called very inferior. So the learned have said before. But all four kinds of faithful wives destroy sin, purify all the worlds and enjoy happiness in this world and the next. A brahmana died of the boar's curse; Atri's wife was devoted to her husband, and by her power, for the sake of the three divinities, he came back to life. Shivaa, knowing this, your duty is always to serve your husband; if you do so lovingly you will gain everything desired. Maheshi, Jagadamba, Shiva himself is your husband, and women become devoted to their husbands by merely remembering you. Devi, what need is there to say all this before you? Shivaa, but since you are following worldly custom I have told it to you now.

Brahma said

The brahmana's wife said this and stopped, bowing. Shivaa Parvati, dear to Shankara, was greatly delighted.